Saturday, September 30, 2006
Now that is what I call boring. It must be the easiest job in the world to write for these magazines. I ask you who is interested in what Posh thinks about David's hair. Did they managed to fill 1 page, 2 pages about it. Someone must be laughing. The poor plebs that buy this magazine. It is all just to sell advertising. What ever next a magazine about your next door neighbours because that is what its reporting. People start to think they know these people, just like they are next door neighbours.
Quiz telephone tv shows. ITV Play made 9 million in 6 months of broadcasting. People pay 75pence in the hope they get on air to give a answer to a question. Even if they do not get on air they pay 75. Easy money. Seemingly it is all going to come to a end when it gets properly regulated. The shows are more boring than these gossip magazines.
Felt nervous about the future tonight. I tend to feel less confident and nervous about the future after the sun has set. Even if ma and pa do not want to use the britebox I should start.
Found some fun guys in the front garden. So many mushrooms around. Should pick some and put in my cooking.
I have so much to be getting on with. I should be getting on with it. Instead I dream about the possibilities.
Friday, September 29, 2006
Just as I was getting into some routine with the running my ankle starts to give me issues. So did not run today. Kind of feel tense due to not runing.
Head feels dazed and confused. Special at night I feel more emtional.
Might go up to Inverness thsi weekend. The quikest expanding town/city in Europe. Up there with Cork.
Since being back I have noticed that there is more money. Either you drive a small new car or a large new car. Gone are the days of the family saloon. As every where SUV are mainly driven by women. They think they are safer but actualy they are not. High sided vehicles can fall over easier.
My the Canoon scanner arrived to day, 9950F. So I can start scanning all the tickets and odds and ends from my spanish trip and creat a collage of it all. The OCR function of the scanner is really useful. Special for turning news paper articles from paper to a text document.
Dad is a lot better today. He stopped using the britebox that I bought. The britebox was menat to help in the winetr months with SAD. This was due to epilepsy, People whoo have had epilepsy should not use the box. So he stoppd using. Dad seems used to me being around now. So does not get so streessed about the way I can affect his routine.
To be bi-polar seems to be the in thing. Suddenly anyone who is anyone in the entertainment industry has it. Its the mark of being artistic.
Elena sent me a message to me today, " I should learn to speak". That was it. Tell me something new.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
No great adventures today. Picture is not off Alva but Stirling, high street.
Dad seems to getting used to me being around. At first it disrupted his routine, me coming down from no where. As I said before there is nothing wrong with his mind and intellect but I can see that he likes routine. It is difficult for me to say what changes have occurred, as I have been away. There are somethings missing from his personality but not to the level off most stroke victims. When he gets tired I can empathize with him, some days I feel so tired that all I want to do is to crash out. If I feel like that now, what will I be like at my dads age. You will find me staring at blank walls, dribbling. Saying "I will do it today". Connection between between us is building.
Everyone I meet I want to hug. I think this is due to lack of intemecy with a MOTOS. I thought I was handling it well, but the cracks are starting to show. Hormones feel low though, no feeling of drive.
The spell checker is so shit for writely, come on pay the money and buy decent dictionary. Also I keep jumping word, thinking I typed them but it was all in my head. My word blindness us getting worse, and also the weird word association that goes on when I subconsciously change words. Instead of typing "a word" I typed "about".
Watched a documentary about Courney Love. Where some guys follows her around for a month or so. The kind of show that usually shows the subject of the program in a bad light. Mad person, distrubed, I prefer mad people to any other sort of person. I bet most bi-polar people have high IQ rates. The only thing stops me being crazy is not believing in myself. The time I do my most crazy stuff is when I feel over confident. Other wise I just stay in my corner. Viewing it all.
Ordered speakers today for the MAc. This is for the small studio I want to build and then make music from. Starting simple, end big.
I have not had a drink now for two weeks come Sunday. Good for me.
Sent a eMail to GP talking about HK.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Starting to formulate plans of working in HK. Still in a state of limbo what I want to do. My desire is enjoy my work time, and be happy with what I produce. Not wanting to be a member of the prolateriate. I also want to do something quite different from what I was doing in Japan. Freedom to express myself and be creative. Always felt that If I was truly to succeed I need to do something artistic. Programming is a creative process but confined. Confined to what the OS and language of what the machine understands. Anyway I would love to write, produce something, make a LP, shoot a feature, take a snap. Just mix it all up with the technology. So I have these thoughts in my head but no real way to turn then into a career a wau forward. Then last week I was running along the road think about HK, how the people there seem so busy but enjoy life. Active. Then I got to thinking what if I helped out these people. Working with them, ghosting. Then see what I liked and then pick that as a career option. So I fired off a eMail to TH in HK asking him what he thought of the idea. The idea being that I will work , help out EH and GP. I would work for free while I found my niche. As always TH is so suportive, and puts me in connact with GP. So I need to clarify my thoughts and put it in a eMail to GP.
Fitness assessment today. Basically what happened they measured me and asked me what I wanted to achieve. Then they worked out what fitness regime I should do. Next I was shown how to use the machines. They are the same machines I used in Japan. In Japan the staff were to scared to tell me how to use them. So I have a greater understanding on how to get the most from my work out. Which I want to do, and improve my energy levels. My favorite machine is the Scandic skiing machine. Nothing better than putting on some great mix and jump on the Scandic skiing machine. The feeling can be quite euphoric when you feel the blood flowing through your body. So for 2 days a week I will head up to Stirling uni and do my work out. The picture was taken today around the campus. Can you imagine coming from a city or arid Spain, find yourself learning in such an environment. You head would be a buzz with ideas and dreams. Then the Scottish winter would take affect.....
Wasted time in front off the TV tonight. I like the concept of E4+1 , which is the same as E4 but an hour later. Solves the problem off always turning on the telly at the end of something that looked good.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Today I felt so hyper at the end of the day. Could this be related to Yoga treatment, or the pain killers I took for the laser treatment.
I leave the laser treatment to your very own imagination.
Yoga was good. All that stretching, and feeling the blood move around. Very practical instructor, no introduction just straight into it. Would have been nice to know her back ground, and how she got into it. I guess but by bit we will find out. Special when we go on that bender ( drinking session) on our last lesson.
Then at the end of the night, time to go to bed, I started to feel apprehensive about the things to be done tomorrow. Small things that need to be done. This is why I always like to keep my plate clear. Do not like things hanging around in the back of my mind. It is these little things that clog up your clarity of thought. A little task becomes something unmanageable in my head. Like carrying a balloon full of water on a severing spoon.
Tomorrow I will have my health check up at the local gym, at Stirling university. Where they will create a fitness program for me. So once I return to that big bad world I should be big and strong.
I need to create a rythm in my life. Its the only way to move forward.The rythm builds up momentum, and pushes you through.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Since reaching London I have be in recovery mode. I had so many interesting things to write to you about, you being the collective you. Who ever you are its you that I Am talking to at this moment. Instead of writing I procrastinated to myself and others that I would get on line and start bloging again.
Do not think that I have been doing nothing. I would be a very good at being filthy rich. I never get bored by anything, can always find something to think about doing.
It has been great being back with my parents. Hanging out together. Mum and Dad have been going through a bad patch health wise. Well dad has been in a bad patch for around 15 years. It all started with ME when he was working. Woke up one day and could not get out of bed for 6 months. Took that long to get better. Never fully recovered and so took early retirement. Then 4 years ago had a stroke/fit due to osteoporosis. Which knocked dad side ways for a while. He is better now but tiredness comes in waves. Tonight near the end of dinner I turned to talk to him. He was sitting there head bowed, deflated. Voice small, child like, confused. Makes me tearful think about it now. Dad's Memory is slightly muddled but his brain is still working. Doing the crossword in the morning paper. As you can imagine this has affected my mum. She suffers from irritable bowel syndrome. This means the bowel does not function as it should. The week before mum wassuffering from gastroenteritis. She could not keep food down for two days. Her body was rejecting food. Mum has not much fat on her, every day she can not eat takes a lot out of her. Maybe I Am painting a bad imagine in your head about their life. They enjoy life, take pleasure in each other and life around them. I Am glad to have theopportunity to share our time together. Also should I be writing about such deeply personnel matters.
So here I Am back on the blog. Getting back to you, it is kind of strange writing a blog, when you have no particular audience or agenda. It is like a combination of whistling in the wind and screaming in space. Why are you doing it and no one can hear you. One day the wind might stop and back to earth I come.
I have been composing today's posting on www.writely.com. On Line word processor. Great tool but the spell checker is not that hot. Red line under blog telling me it is a spelling mistake. I need a good spell checker, trust me.
So for today I sign off. Monday is my first yoga day.